I've been feeling really lonely lately.. well with my friends atleast.. I feel as if I only have Mikey and it hurts to think this . I feel like an empty space.. maybe I'm just having mood swings.. I really feel like I have no friends at school, they are nice to  my face but do they talk about me behind my back...

I'm not mad at anyone, just hurt..  i know I seem to exclude myself someties.. but what else am I to think? I hate this confusion and pain.

In other news, yesterday was my one month with mikey.. I am so happy with him. Mikey , you don't even know what you do to me. No one knows what we have and I love the feeling I get whenever you are around. Thank you for being real with me.

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Well it's been a month since my last entry and not much has been going on. School is really good, I'm getting good grades  and there's not much to complain about. Mikey and I now go out and it will be a month on the 16th. I'm really happy with the way things have been turning out for me.. there's nothing that I would change, or so I hope so.

I have to do major Christmas shopping this week and Emma's birthday is this Saturday..so major shopping! Emma i miss you and stay strong.. you know what I'm talking about  M U L U <3 <3 <3 " heroes can make mistakes too"

So yea, this past weekend went by fast, but did nothing. Saturday I had work and then I just came home and "Started" my apa research paper. I didn't even go to Church yesterday because my whole day consisted of me doing my 8 page report... on the civil war. I went out to lunch with Ant around 1:30 and I'm glad I did... I needed to get out of the house and just talk to some one.. an old friend.

I spent Friday night with Mikey<3 I called out of work at the last minute and we all went out to dinner. After dinner we went back to his house and just called and cuddled. It's weird how everything works out.. you can look at some one and just think by looking at their appearance that you "know them" but really.. you don't. I would have never of thought that I would be in Mikey's arms and just being so happy. He is so different from what most people see him as. Mikey, if you read this. I am completely happy with you and I trust you. There's nothing that I would change.. and we will see how things go. <3

Christmas is soon.. and I just can't wait. I'm going up to P.A. to my Uncle's house.. I know for a fact that this Christmas is going to be so much bettr than the last.. but let' not talk about that.. { everything happens for a reason}

Work is good, I need another jog and money! Marla now works with me so work is better. Roy quit 2 weeks ago which sucks.. so yea.

Sorry that I'm writing such a pointless entry.. I'm just updaing!

If I don't write in here before Christmas.. I hope everyone has a good holiday mwahhhhhhh!

I feel as if I can't even control my true feelings anymore.. I don't even know what my "true" feelings are.. towards anything and anyone. I'm so mixed up with different emotions, I don't even know what to think anymore. I have so many different split personalities.. I don't even know which one is the "real" me? How do you know who you are.. is there a "real" me? Does anyone have the slightest clue of what I'm trying to get out. I hope so, I don't want to be the only one feeling this confused.. there has to be some one out that gets me.. . some one..

I miss so many memories. I'm just really bummed out tonight, I was looking at some pictures of my friends from bga, I really miss the memories and just all the laughs and insiders we had had. I don't even talk to them anymore, I really don't talk to anyone.. I lost a lot of friends in my life and it just hurts, I need to stop complaining tho and just move on... cause what doesn't kill you, makes you even stronger..{ as I always say}

I just feel so alone, soo empty. I'm just an empty space. All my friends know that I'm there for them.. but I doubt everyday... are you really my friend?.. will you be there for me? I hate acting this way and just being really depressed. I want to be happy.

I miss all of those I have lost.. anyone from my past.. get in touch with me, fix up things, old fights, disagreements, anything.. the past is in the past. <3

-- you make me so weak when you look at me .. . .

" what doesn't kill you.. . only makes you stronger"

I've been pretty busy with work lately, so I haven't been home a lot . On Saturday, I went to Kelvin's house, which was a lot of fun they we all went to Elisa's house, Kelvin and Jamal snuck out, it was fun, they were nervous about getting caught.. so cute.. such good times <3 Halloween was ok,  I went to Angie's Party, I took Mikey{<3}, Jamal, Kelvin, and Cellus... good times.

Nothing is really new, I've been very depressed lately and I just feel as if I can't handle the pain anymore.. I haven't gone to church in like a month and I miss all  of my YL people. I haven't spoke to Erick, I haven't even heard from him. I hate the fact that I make things so difficult and I'm just really confused.  Who knows what is wrong with me?

This weekend Emma is having surgery.. so yeah that's a crapper.. I'm going to spend the weekend with her.. I miss her a lot and I'm always going to get there for her <3 I M U L U emma.

Today is a half day at school, [ I'm in computer class by the way], and then I'm going to hang out with Angie, Mikey{<3], and Tone... so that should be fun.

no work tomorrow.. anyone wanna hang out:?

Why must you judge me, when you don't know me?